2002-11-22 - 6:33 p.m.
It just gets better
Thank God police arrested a vibrator peddler this week in White Oak, Texas. Already I feel much better knowing that these fine officers have prevented God knows how many self-inflicted female orgasms. We are lucky here in Texas to be blessed with many laws that help to curb sexual activity that Jesus would frown upon. I think it's totally worth the $50,000 in taxpayer dollars it could take to imprison this woman in the very safe, very comfortable Texas Department of Criminal Justice penal institution of her choice, if it means fewer orgasms for women who can't understand how God wants the birds and the bees to sing and buzz.
These vibrator people are just out of hand. They run around promoting individualized sexual pleasure among women, and that's condoning behavior that the Bible says is immoral. Women should understand that sexual pleasure is impossible without a man. More than that, it just isn't Christian. We should all be Christians, because that's what Jesus wanted.
Remember, Jesus didn't want dildos. He wanted good, clean, heterosexual couplings. If he had wanted dildos, he would have made them during "Busy Week," when he created the universe. -- Rev. Opal Tanning Dwight
Editor's note: The views expressed on this page are the author's.
Another editor's note: The Editor doesn't condone driving while drunk, which the vibrator peddler allegedly did.)
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Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse. � Lily Tomlin |
