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2003-03-30 - 7:19 a.m.

L'Apple Communicationz Corp. brings you current war coverage with this

IMPORTANT NEWS BULLETIN(!!!!)

Anti-War Protesters Report Progress of "Shock and Awe" Fast

Washington, DC � A pacifist group calling itself Operation Moral Strategy (OMS) held a press conference on the National Mall today to update reporters on the status of its "shock and awe" fast for peace. The fast, which began several weeks ago, is intended to admonish U.S. governmental authorities that if they do not stop the war in Iraq, OMS fasters will "overwhelm them with additional, lightning-fast strikes of starvation," said "Hunger," an OMS spokeswoman.

"We believe that once Bush administration members hear the fierce rumbling of our empty stomaches, they will abandon their bid to topple Saddam and take control over the Iraqi nation," Hunger said. Though the administration has yet to heed OMS's call, the fast has been successful overall, she added.

"A lot of activists have told us they admire our effort, and last night I was interviewed by a local television station," Hunger said.

OMS, which numbers around 60, began its fast Feb. 21. The group's shock and awe campaign involved attachment of microphones to their stomaches in order to amplify rumbling noises; aggressive chanting sprees; and group "faint-ins," in which members collapsed onto busy Washington streets and lay still until ambulances arrived with IV units.

Members of OMS include two dozen nuns, a taxi driver named Habib, supermodel Kate Moss, and Father Roy Bourgeois. The group's discipline has not been undermined, even when GOP Congressional staff and officers from the D.C. Police Dept. held a joint Porterhouse steak cook-off within meters of OMS's fasting tent.

"Most are vegetarians anyway," said speaker Sister Maggie Dunaway, before collapsing.

Things are going to get a lot worse before they get worse. � Lily Tomlin

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